Beyond the Bema

I sold my two road bikes a while back. Where I live doesn’t have the best infrastructure for road bikes. But, mountain bikes… that’s a different story. So, I did the thing a bought one. Nothing fancy, $150 off market place (worth $350). There is no need in me buying a top dollar bike as I pretty much haven’t ridden in years.

I took her for a spin this morning.
I didn’t get any pictures of how beautiful the scenery was because this morning because I was trying not to get myself killed due to my lack of riding skills that were SLOWLY coming back to me, but it did make me stop (and almost wreck).

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech haolam, shekacha lo beolamo.

The way the sun is still peaking a little from the tops of all the trees. It reminded me how blessed we are to live in such a beautiful world.

Good news is that I finished my ride without injury to self or others. I need to get some gear though for better performance.

As conversion nears, I find myself feeling increasingly anxious. My brain won’t turn off sometimes and all of the possible scenarios have popped up. I was blessed with talking with our Cantor yesterday about those feelings. Basically, I want to be a good Jew . I want to be a part of the community and while I love my congregation (seriously, can’t say that enough) there is still an element of feeling like you’re being judged or you’re on outsider. I by no means am backing out. When I do something I go in cannonball style and don’t look back. Pursuing conversion was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. And it’s about to be topped by the conversion itself. I think it’s just that my soul knows it’s a big change and my body and spirit are preparing themselves. I was assured anxiety is normal. I was also told that I have the power to say “I’m not ready” with no judgement. I can’t say enough that is NOT the case. Scream in from the rooftops, my soul has waited for this moment since birth!

I gave up a passion of mine, road biking, because it just wasn’t working, no matter how hard I tried. I essentially traded in two great road bikes for a great mountain bike. There was anxiety, there were mistakes because I’m so new, but I finished the course and have no regrets. That’s what I’m doing now, spiritually. I gave away my religion ten years ago and now have a new religion that is most definitely home. I can’t tell you how ready I am for Mikvah!